Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
