Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Randomize
