I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
