ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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