i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
