the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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