You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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