SEEEEXXX PLEASE
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Randomize
