There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Randomize