she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
