I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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