When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
