I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
