The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
