we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
