im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Randomize
