im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
FUCK WHALES
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