Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
