My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
is wine microwaveable?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Everyone says I win the strip club
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
