There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize