That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
