that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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