I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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