We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
She's the barista slut.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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