Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
