I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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