Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Randomize