just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
