the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
