you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
