Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
