My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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