before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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