honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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