I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
