she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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