Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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