dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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