You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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