Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
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