True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
