I just cut my nipple shaving
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
