he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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