Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
