He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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