It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
