i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
