obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
