Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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