It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
