drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
