I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
