On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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