so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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