i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
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