Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
