Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
