I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
