Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
