he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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