I bet he comes in French.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
