i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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