Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
