Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
