my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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