I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
