she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
